Comments on: You cannot process a relationship

By: Jeffrey Fritzson

Jeffrey Fritzson — Fri, 06 May 2011 19:46:31 +0000

I have a slightly different take on this. The sentence that spoke loudest to me was: “In order to build a relationship both parties need to relate to each other. If the same person using the matching techniques were to seek to relate to the other first then the matching would help to make things run even smoother.” Honest open relating is key.

However, when you then add true mirroring which is not aping, present your information in your prospects preferred modality, understand their strategy for buying or learning or … These additional tools, when used properly, are powerful non-manipulative and help you better understand things from your prospect’s point of view.

I do agree that there are MANY people out there that take a little knowledge and make things worse for themselves. It also gives people who do know how to use these tools honestly and ethically a bad stereotype. Let’s face it, if you were to ask 100 poeople from the general population to pick an adjective to describe sales people, what do you think that adjective would be and do you thiknk it is positive or negative? Stereotypes are everywhere.

Richard – great post. A great caution to the people who do use this improperly and grat oportunity to learn from others.

Thank you.

By: Su Butcher

Su Butcher — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 09:52:42 +0000

I agree Richard.
It is about honestly attempting to understand what your prospect wants, which is why aping interest doesn’t work.
None of us want to be “sold to” so why would we want to be recorded into being sold to?

By: Richard Maybury

Richard Maybury — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 19:03:16 +0000

Spot on Richard. The sad thing is that many misguided people who deliberately do this mirror/match behaviour in a ‘Sales’ or ‘Account Management’ meeting are the same people who would:
A) Never dream of doing it with friends and family they care about
B) Never treat is as acceptable behaviour if done to them.

It is not that they are bad, just misguided. I have had many memorable meetings with people who have been automatically – and rather clunkily – attempting to do the mirror / match / follow / lead thing with ‘body language’. A few, who appeared to be genuinely attempting to ‘develop’ themselves got honest feedback, the rest went into the ‘manipulative, self interest bucket’ and were sent to Room 101 for ever!

By: Anton Bosman

Anton Bosman — Tue, 11 May 2010 11:27:35 +0000

Cannot agree more, Richard! You can only build a relationship if you stay authentic and honest. However, you can aim to build a true friendship with somebody which eventually could have mutual benefits…

By: LouiseBJ

LouiseBJ — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:03:58 +0000

I agree with you Richard – and have also seen people using rapport building techniques without understanding how they’re supposed to work.

Processes for relationships need to be about ensuring we follow up with people and don’t forget to stay in touch – rather than what we say & do during that point of contact.

By: Patricia Wilson

Patricia Wilson — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 09:41:45 +0000

Great observation, mirroring body language falls into the ‘ a little knowledge is a dangerous thing’ – I worked with someone a while back who used what he’d been taught inappropriately and it was obvious to everyone there.

Relationships take time to develop and the good ones last because they form between people who like, trust and respect each other.